my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
