I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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