i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
