this boner is exhausting
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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