i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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