How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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