I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
