I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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