I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think pants incapable of making pants work
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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