He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
high people should be assigned attendants
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
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