I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
