he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize