My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
