Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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