We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
