tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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