So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
