grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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