I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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