I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She's the barista slut.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
