Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
