My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You're a waste of cheezeits
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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