Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
