I just saw a hot homeless man
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
