i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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