Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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