i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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