Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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