I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize