Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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