My liver just broke up with me...
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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