She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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