he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
