He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
