South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize