I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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