the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
