There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
