Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
