You just made me feel so damn special
My liver just broke up with me...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
