Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
