did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
