Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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