I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
