Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
