that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
