I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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