I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
