Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
