omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
A+ Viking dick
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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