i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Just pee around me
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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