Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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