Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
