Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
