saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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