Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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