she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
