we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
