If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
