Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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