There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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