I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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