He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
