absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
