Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
