I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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