dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I need water and some morals
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
