Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She even gives head with a lisp.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
