we're blogging at a bar
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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