I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
