That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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