we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
