she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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