i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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