She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
