I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
