I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
