You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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