im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
