you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He better not be in your backpack
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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