Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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