Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
