Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
