it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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