Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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