I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
