I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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