A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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