All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
