I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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