I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
