At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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