I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize