you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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