i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
