All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
