I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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