she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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