yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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